"Used Battery's Only"

This is clearly an apostrophe disaster of epic proportions. In a mere 12 words, the person who wrote this sign managed to use an apostrophe twice where no apostrophe belongs! What is truly special to me is that the apostrophe is not only used incorrectly twice, but it is used incorrectly in two different ways. As you can see, the first apostrophe is used instead of adding an "ies" to properly pluralize the noun battery. The second apostrophe is added to the verb creating some sort of mutant contraction.

Upon seeing this sign, my first impulse was run through the store, find a red Sharpie, and add some edits. Then, on second thought, I decided to take a picture and blog about it instead.

Week the First

Whenever I get a substantial amount of hair cut off, a strange sort of phantom hair syndrome happens for the next few days. I go to wash or brush my hair, and my hands and fingers and arms are used to a certain motion. After all, they have been brushing hair that has imperceptibly gotten longer for several months. I get ready to brush that same length of hair, but after the haircut, several inches are gone, and the brush slips into nothingness. For me, moving and starting a new job has been a little like that sensation: I try to do something, and I get started as I usually would, but then nothing is there. Instead of a direct relationship between needing yogurt and beer and going to Sunflower Market to get it, now when I need groceries, I have to do a Google search for a grocery store and write down directions. When asked to mail something at work, I go to do it, then realize I do not know where envelopes are. There is a disconnect between what I want to do, and the knowledge I have for doing it.

The offer for the Assistant Acquisitions Editor position at the University of Illinois Press came almost a year to the day I completed graduate school. The year in between was filled with an impossible work schedule with approximately three jobs at any given time, feelings of failure, and the adamant support of friends and family I have now left to come and pursue my publishing career. The Press is fantastic, but because I have never had a job I have so sincerely thought was a perfect fit for my skills and pursuits, it comes with a massive feeling of pressure. My first day was a total high: I met new people who were beyond welcoming and I was put to work. I could barely believe that on my first day I got to conduct research on peer reviewers, attend a meeting, do some filing-type tasks, and begin organizing my very own office. It was a pleasant surprise to feel utterly comfortable on the first day of a new job in a new environment. On my second and third days I was put to even more work and the first day high diminished. It is hard to feel successful or productive when every task takes several times longer than it should as I learn my way around a new building, new procedures, and a new copier (I swear, no two are ever the same). However, as I left messages with prospective peer reviewers, was shown how to prepare packets for the bi-weekly meetings, snatched my favorite pens from the supply area, sent rejection emails, and drafted descriptions for manuscripts, I knew I had found a place I will soon feel is my professional home.

After my first week, I woke up Saturday morning with a great deal of anxiety of all the things I could have done better over my first three days. I was worried I should know things already and not have to ask questions, and I had convinced myself I made a terrible blunder during a confused phone call. Then I walked to the Urbana farmer’s market, and I did it without getting lost. Image that! Last weekend I had never been to Urbana, and this weekend I navigated it. Contemplating that progress led me to this conclusion: I got embarrassingly lost my first few days in Urbana, and I will get lost and make mistakes at work. It may take time to navigate my new position at UIP, but it will happen eventually, and I reassure myself that, just as my hair always seems to grow back, surely but gradually, my confidence, efficiency, and knowledge in my work will grow as well.

Ten Warning Signs A Working Relationship May Not Work Out

Since graduation in May I have humbly attempted to grow a freelance editing business. Having little inclination towards business practicalities, I have been learning a lot of lessons the hard way. The latest involved an aspiring author who was impossible to work with. There is a bright side! He has helped me to identify ten warning signs of a doomed editorial project, and possibly warning signs of doomed working relationships in general:

10. Gives you reason to suspect that he believes he personally coined the phrase "turn lemons in to lemonade" and thinks he is genius for it.

9. Has unreasonable expectations regarding your ability to prognosticate the precise number of words you will edit in a given hour.

8. Refuses to pay you in full for a project he approved you to begin work on.

7. Has never heard of PayPal but asks if you take money orders.

6. Forbids you to spend the money he paid you on your upcoming trip to an academic conference because he does “not want to finance your vacation.”

5. Composes text messages in all capital letters.

4. Refuses to open email attachments.

3. Marks every voicemail as urgent.

2. Ends every voicemail and conversation with the word “out.”

and . . . drum roll please . . .

1. Consistently refers to himself in the third person, by his last name, preceded by “the.” Yes. Think “The Miz” of Real World then wrestling fame.

What a fluke to have found so many eccentricities in one person! Perhaps he is a narcissist, perhaps he is a victim of trust issues, or perhaps he is a sufferer of a great many other psychological issues. One thing is for sure: I will no longer be working with him.

Blog the First

Well, friends, today is the day. Today is the day I give the world my first blog entry. As a longtime resident of the Twittersphere, I have decided it is time to delve into the blogosphere. I have already exceeded 140 characters, and I feel like a rebel!

I am a simple creature, with simple tastes. I like my books (well-edited, of course) and I like the people in my life, who indulge my bookish ways. But, you may ask, why am I starting this blog now? I admit, it has taken me awhile to get on the blogwagon. This is mostly due to the last three years of my life spent juggling an English master's program, a Scholarly Publishing Certificate program, tutoring a fourteen-year-old in English and writing, freelance editorial work, working at various jobs and internships, volunteering at an organization that records books for the blind and dyslexic (RFBandD), presenting papers at academic conferences, and, in any remaining free time, reading for pleasure and sleeping. Why all the free time now? Well, despite what I consider being extremely qualified, I have had little luck in getting a job. More precisely, I have had no luck getting publishers to hire me as an editorial assistant so I can work towards the real goal: being an acquisitions editor. More on that later, because I suspect jobless woes may contribute content to this blog to some degree.

Besides being a highly qualified, vivacious, young lass not being able to secure a publishing job, what else do I anticipate this blog to bring? Well, it will have a lot about books. The books I am reading, the books I have read, and the books I want to read. I find it difficult to read as anything but a critical thinker, so I will likely defy the popular opinion on books. I have two English degrees under my belt, so, to put it simply: I read a lot and expect a lot. I will also regale you with the calamities and adventures freelance editing brings. I am an avid traveler, so await tales of foreign lands! My next trip is in July, when I find myself traveling to Israel and Egypt. And, due to semi-popular demand, I will, from time to time, harness my inner snarkiness to ruthlessly judge and possibly mock egregious errors of the typographical, grammatical, and spelling variety.