Since graduation in May I have humbly attempted to grow a freelance editing business. Having little inclination towards business practicalities, I have been learning a lot of lessons the hard way. The latest involved an aspiring author who was impossible to work with. There is a bright side! He has helped me to identify ten warning signs of a doomed editorial project, and possibly warning signs of doomed working relationships in general:
10. Gives you reason to suspect that he believes he personally coined the phrase "turn lemons in to lemonade" and thinks he is genius for it.
9. Has unreasonable expectations regarding your ability to prognosticate the precise number of words you will edit in a given hour.
8. Refuses to pay you in full for a project he approved you to begin work on.
7. Has never heard of PayPal but asks if you take money orders.
6. Forbids you to spend the money he paid you on your upcoming trip to an academic conference because he does “not want to finance your vacation.”
5. Composes text messages in all capital letters.
4. Refuses to open email attachments.
3. Marks every voicemail as urgent.
2. Ends every voicemail and conversation with the word “out.”
and . . . drum roll please . . .
1. Consistently refers to himself in the third person, by his last name, preceded by “the.” Yes. Think “The Miz” of Real World then wrestling fame.
What a fluke to have found so many eccentricities in one person! Perhaps he is a narcissist, perhaps he is a victim of trust issues, or perhaps he is a sufferer of a great many other psychological issues. One thing is for sure: I will no longer be working with him.
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